By Carla Harvey, Grief Specialist and Parting Stone Partner Success Manager
In the aftermath of Hurricane Helene, many are grappling with immense loss—of homes, communities, and loved ones. During times of catastrophe, the emotional toll can be overwhelming, and the grieving process is deeply complex. Two hundred fifty-one people have died, and more than 90 are still missing. Communities are leveled. In the days ahead, we will see less and less of the hurricane on television and in the news, but for survivors, the healing and rebuilding are just beginning.
Most of us can't begin to comprehend what it might feel like to lose everything: people you love, your home, your belongings, intimate memories. In many ways, a shared grief event can bring a community together (community grief or collective grief) to support each other. However, it can also be more challenging because grief is unique to each individual. Even a husband and wife may have conflicting grief patterns. A neighbor may feel that their grief is not valid if they only lost property and not someone they loved. Resilience looks different for everyone. One person may feel compelled to put things back together quickly, while another may only have the energy to make the bed. Your grief will be different from the person next to you, and it is valid.
Step one in healing is acknowledging that you have just been through a life-altering situation and need to take a deep breath. At the beginning of a catastrophe, our adrenaline can get us through anything. It’s when the dust starts to settle that we need to be mindful. It is also important to put a name to what you are feeling. When we think of grief, we often relate it to death. However, you can also grieve the loss of your home, lifestyle, and job. You may be experiencing some or all of these grief reactions: post-traumatic stress disorder, recurrent upsetting dreams, thoughts or images, and intense emotional and physical reactions to reminders of the hurricane. You might begin to avoid people, places, and things that remind you of the hurricane. You may feel emotionally numb or detached. It’s normal to have sleep difficulties, poor attention spans, and irritability.
Complicated or traumatic grief is grief that does not end and does not help you make progress toward resuming usual activities. This is common in disaster situations, where you may be overly focused on the circumstances of the loss, how it could have been prevented, what the last moments were like, and issues of accountability.
So, what can you do as an individual?
Take care of yourself. During such emotionally taxing moments, it's easy to neglect self-care. Simple routines like staying hydrated, getting sleep, and talking to someone about your feelings can help keep you grounded.
Limit exposure to distressing news. While it’s important to stay informed, constantly watching or reading distressing news can exacerbate feelings of grief and anxiety. Set boundaries on your media consumption.
Express your feelings. Writing, art, or music can be powerful outlets for expressing grief. For clients who have experienced a traumatic death or situation, I often recommend journaling. Many people obsess over the details of a final moment or event and may find it helpful to write it out on paper and then burn the paper.
Consider professional help. If your grief feels overwhelming, talking to a therapist or counselor can provide support and coping strategies tailored to your situation.
Find meaning. Engaging in acts of kindness or helping others can create a sense of purpose and connection during difficult times.
Be patient with yourself. Grief doesn’t have a timeline. Allow yourself to heal at your own pace and recognize that it’s okay to have good days and bad days.
Memorialize and honor. Finding ways to honor those you’ve lost, such as creating a memorial or participating in remembrance activities, can aid the healing process.
Watch Carla's recent interview on FOX24 News Now - Charleston, SC
How to Cope When a Family Member is Missing
The psychological and social challenges faced by family members of missing persons are intense. The term "ambiguous loss" refers to the experience of having a loved one physically absent but psychologically present in your mind. When someone is missing, closure is lacking. You may feel guilt, helplessness, and an "emotional vacuum." Here are some strategies that may help:
Seek support. Emotional support from family and friends is crucial. Grief support groups, especially those for people affected by disasters, can be incredibly helpful.
Focus on what you can control. Though overwhelming, focusing on actions like staying informed through official channels, connecting with local authorities, and utilizing available resources can offer a sense of purpose and reduce helplessness.
Lean into hope, but allow space for grief. It’s okay to feel both hope and despair. Grieving your loved one is not giving up.
Talk to your person. Many find it helpful to speak out loud to the missing person or write them a letter. You can express anything you need to.
How to Support Friends and Family Dealing with Loss of Homes, Communities, and Loved Ones
When someone you care about is grieving, it can be difficult to know what to say or do. Here are some ideas:
Acknowledge the loss. Many are facing tremendous loss—of their homes, communities, or loved ones. The emotional toll can be immense. Saying, “I’m sorry,” acknowledges their pain.
Be present. Sometimes, people don’t need advice or solutions—they just need someone to listen, sit with them in their pain, and let them express their feelings without judgment.
Offer practical support. People are often overwhelmed by grief and the logistics of rebuilding. Practical help, like assisting with daily tasks, babysitting, coordinating with relief services, or providing meals, shows you’re there emotionally and practically.
Respect their coping process. Grief looks different for everyone. Some may want to talk about their loss, while others may need space and time to process.
Check in regularly. Grief often lingers long after the immediate crisis. A simple check-in, like sending a message or visiting, weeks or months later can remind them they are supported and not alone.
How to Memorialize Family Members Who Have Passed
The holidays are approaching and will likely be emotional for many families affected by Helene. Setting a place at the table for your loved one can be poignant for everyone. Many people take comfort in continuing traditions their loved one enjoyed. Talk about your loved one; go around the table and have everyone share a memory. If you’re having a hard day and want to talk to them, speak out loud or write them a letter.
The most important thing to remember about grief is that it is not linear. There is no one-size-fits-all path, especially after a traumatic event. You will have ups and downs, good days and bad days. Here at Parting Stone, we send love and strength to everyone affected by Hurricane Helene; you will remain in our thoughts.
Are you in the Chicago Area? Join Carla Harvey live on November 13th, 2024 for a live event exploring a range of topics related to end-of-life planning in a casual, inviting setting. Learn from industry experts as they discuss topics including a unique alternative form of remains, pre-need planning, water cremation, and memorialization. Register here.
About Carla Harvey
Carla Harvey is a Grief Specialist, end-of-life Doula, and Thanatologist with over a decade of experience in funeral service, hospice, and coaching. She holds degrees in Mortuary Science, Funeral Service Business and Management, and holds multiple certifications in her field as well. Carla is also an accomplished artist and published author.
In 2017, Carla founded Good Grief LA, a bereavement center, and has worked with hundreds of clients including veterans, young adults, and the terminally ill. As an advocate for the Death Positive movement, her goal is to normalize the death and grieving processes and to assist her clients in finding some beauty in this difficult aspect of life.